Today I was surrounded by butterflies. I watched several feed from our lantana flowers and from our native plants near the mailbox. (above photo) Later I was plant shopping and several landed on the plants in my cart. (photo to the left)

It is hard not to smile when you are watching a butterfly. They are beautiful and they are sipping nectar from flowers. My heart always feels lighter when they are fluttering around.
The orange one above is a frittillary butterfly and they are special to me because I discovered the caterpillars before ever having seen the butterflies and they are amazing. They look kind of punk rock and have tiny black spikes all over. (photo below) They feed from passionflower vines which are gorgeous and exotic. I was in awe the first time I saw one bloom.

In return for all the joy they give us it is so easy to fill our gardens with plants they need to survive, including native ones and sometimes even flowers some would consider "weeds." Even if it is only a flowerbox outside the window or a fire escape style balcony- consider keeping some plants that host caterpillars and feed butterflies and other insects. (and very important- refrain from using pesticides on these so they truly are safe havens for butterflies.) Here is a link with some resources regarding gardening for butterflies and other pollinators such as bees and birds. http://www.nwf.org/Pollinators/Pollinator-Decline.aspx

I talked with several people this past week who mentioned how much comfort they receive from sharing their beds with their fur kids. One person has two small dogs and one of them secures the perimeter of the house before snuggling in each night, helping her to feel safe. A couple of friends at a party last Saturday mentioned how they can’t go to sleep without their cats purring nearby. I think many of us feel the same way.

I have my own routines with Merlin and Gracie Belle. Merlin demands that I go to sleep when he is ready and then allows me to read a few pages before he steps back & forth in front of my night light, then he goes under the covers and kneads my stomach for a few minutes before falling asleep. After a while he slips out & settles by me on top of the covers. Gracie Belle likes to stay above the covers, but she will sometimes flop against me near my shoulder and sweetly look up at me (as seen in photo) while purring loudly for a long time. Purrs have healing benefits for humans and they are the most soothing sound I know.

I think also that many of us are familiar with being pinned under the covers because our cats or dogs are on top of the blankets, their weight curled up against us offering a lovely comfort. It requires a practiced yoga-like move to slip out of that or even to shift positions in the middle of the night. If I have to get up at 4 am to go to the restroom, Merlin jumps up and leads the way. I see the moon illuminate his plume-like tail (sticking straight up) in the dim lighting. Then I carry him back, half asleep.

There is something very peaceful about waking up and watching our dogs/cats sleep with their bellies exposed, showing us total trust and that they feel safe. Hearing their tiny (or sometimes not so tiny) dreaming sounds. Imagining what they are dreaming about. Do their dreams connect or blend with ours at night?

There may be some sleep disruptions, but it also elevates our connection. Of course it should always be a choice for the animal, they may prefer their own bed and that is fine too. If it is possible for your household, I believe it is a beautiful and comforting (for them and us) practice to sleep as a pack with our animal companions.

As soon as our animal companions cross over the rainbow bridge, they are in the light. They are free of whatever physical illness or limitations (if any) they may have had. At this point they are perfect, but those of us left behind, their human parents/companions and other animal family members are the ones still suffering.
Generally what they want to convey is that they are okay. They are better than okay. They often share visual images of themselves looking perfectly happy and healthy. For example, if they had trouble walking in life, they may show me that they are running, leaping even!

Many animals try to find a way to reassure their loved ones left behind. They may appear/visit in dreams, or in spirit. You may see a glimpse out of the corner of your eye or simply sense them. I had what I thought of as a "waking dream" shortly after Jarvis crossed. It was the middle of the night, and I had gone to the restroom and he was sitting on my bathroom counter, as he had often done in life. I felt like he was totally ok, and I think I petted him. It felt so real and I call it a waking dream because it felt dream like in the sense that I did not think it was strange at all.

He also found ways to leave me messages that would remind me of him. The photo to the (top)left is a sticker I saw at the grocery store tea aisle. it said "Jarvis" on a green strip next to a number. It had nothing to do with the tea or any products near it. I smiled, took the photo and bought the tea! The cardamom pu-erh is now my favorite! The photo below (left) is a book that arrived in the mail as a gift when I was experiencing stomach pain the summer after he crossed. I smiled again when I noticed it was written by a doctor with the last name Jarvis. The apple cider vinegar did help me tremendously :)

After Juneau crossed, as I mentioned in a previous post, I kept seeing hummingbirds drinking very deeply from their feeders, the way he would drink water & that made me think of him. I also saw a black cat in our backyard that I had never seen before or again since that day. I am still not sure if it was a visiting "real" cat or spirit cat. He was just lounging on the hill, very calm & relaxed.

Of course when the grief is fresh, sometimes these signs/messages bring tears to our eyes, and our animal companions may refrain because they don't want to make us (more) sad. Eventually, after time passes, thoughts of them bring smiles too (or smiles & tears at the same time.) I am so grateful that I can still connect with Jarvis and Juneau and "talk" with them often. They have taught me that the love we share with our animal family members continues after they cross over and it truly is forever.

I plan to discuss different elements of this topic, such as caring for a terminally ill companion animal, the types of messages I often receive from animals (that are in the light) to pass on to their humans and dealing with grief & mourning.

It is a topic that could and does fill books. The loss of an animal companion can be devastating. For this week's post I would like to focus on an aspect that tends to be unique to persons whose animal family member has passed.

Generally when a person's human family member dies there are societal and cultural rituals that help us process and express our grief. Celebrations of life, cards, food, some expected time away from work and much concern from loved ones.

I am incredibly fortunate that when my first sons Jarvis & Juneau crossed over in 2012 and in 2013 I was surrounded by sensitive and understanding friends and family who realized the immense grief my husband and I were going through and who lovingly reached out. We were also lucky to have each other and a shared sense of loss. I was able to communicate with Juneau and Jarvis once they were in the light and I imagine how much harder still it would have been without that gift.

However, I often come across people that don't have this level of support. They are expected to go to work immediately after facing the death of their beloved animal. Sometimes they can't even bring it up at work if the environment is unsympathetic. I've seen comments of "support" on social media asking the mourning person when they will "replace" their cat or dog or "get" another one. This may be well intentioned but to a grieving animal parent it is very insensitive to gloss over the mourning period and jump ahead to a time when they may be ready to adopt again. Everyone handles grief differently and there is no right or wrong way. For some it is best to adopt fairly soon and allow a new animal family member to help lighten their heart and for others they need to take more time. It is highly personal & individual.

We have come a long way, but there is not yet a cultural consensus accepting that the loss of an animal family member is as traumatic as that of a human one.

If you have never experienced this kind of loss: please, simply be kind to those that have.

If you are the grieving party: please know that your grief is real. Try to ignore anyone that does not understand. It is valid to mourn your loved one (s) for as long as you need to and however best comforts you. If you just said goodbye (for now) to your animal child or best friend your heart is broken and even if you understand they are in the light and most likely will be visiting you in spirit or dreams you still desperately miss having them with you physically, sleeping on the bed at night, waking you up at ridiculous times to eat, playing, snuggling and gazing at you. Be very gentle with yourself and seek support from those who do understand, either in person or from books & online support groups. Allow yourself as long as it takes. When it feels right consider ways that you can honor your love for them, like gathering photos for a special photo album or maybe planting a small garden in their name. Know that they will visit you in spirit and check on you and that the love you shared is forever.

I photographed this handsome dog in Italy in 2008. He was watching me as I walked by and posed for several minutes. I have looked at his image many times since. It reminds me of how our dogs patiently and lovingly wait for us to get home. They may be looking through a picturesque window like this one or through blinds in an apartment. Wherever they are, dogs like to feel that their "pack" is all together. Companion animals are happiest when their humans are with them. They love spending time with their people.

For most of us it may not be possible to be together all day, but while we have work and social engagements to attend, for them, we are all that they have. Animals need for us to spend time with them, time when we are actively engaged, not checking our phones or otherwise occupied. If you can't spend a large amount of time with your animal kid(s) every day it is helpful to adopt more than one. Having a companion will ease their sense of loneliness, and it is not any harder to take care of two. (They will still need individual attention too.) Try to look at it from their perspective. What would you want? This is a good question to always keep in mind. If you were in their place, would you want someone to spend the day with? It is always best to imagine what they want, in any situation, and ideally, ask them. You will hear/sense/feel the answer :)

Today's post is short & sweet. Even though our animal companions usually already know that we love them, there is something special about speaking it out loud & telling them so. They feel the emotion and energy that accompany the words. Tell them how precious they are to you. They show us their love daily in so many ways. They may follow you from room to room, groom you, give you kisses, jump up happily when you return home, gaze at you, bare their tummies with complete trust for a bellyrub, sleep next to you & comfort you in sadness. Animals show their emotions fully without ever holding back. Let's adapt to them instead of the other way around and appreciate the many ways they show their love. And remember to say it back :)


Above is a photo of my daughter, Gracie Belle, showing her love by smushing her forehead into my hand.

Last night I was feeling like I did not accomplish much yesterday. I was a bit tired during the day and watched a Buffy the Vampire Slayer marathon in the evening. Then I remembered one very important thing I did. I had been looking out the window at hummingbirds when I noticed that a bee had climbed into the feeder and was drowning. I went outside quickly and dumped out the sugar water to release the bee. She climbed out completely unharmed and happy to walk on the grass in the sunshine. This may not seem like a huge accomplishment, but it meant everything to that bee. And it means something to me too :)

There are so many opportunities to help out insects. I found a stinkbug in a public restroom sink once and he happily climbed unto my hand to be carried outside where he had food to eat and wouldn't get accidentally washed down a drain. Bigger bugs can easily be trapped with a plastic tupperware container (or cup) and a piece of cardboard, then safely released outside. Gently put the tupperware over them (be careful with delicate legs & antennae) then slide the thin cardboard under, allow them to step over it or go into the container, and release outdoors.

*edit* Shortly after publishing this I went outside and another bee was drowning, this time in the birdbath. I extended a piece of pine straw for her to grab on to, and she climbed on it & flew away.

Animals can be just as expressive as humans. Part of the joy of getting to know our animal companions is learning their unique ways of expression. I think a lot of people can tell when their dog is smiling. We look at their eyes and see if they are content, or if they don't feel well. Sometimes our cats may roll their eyes a bit or raise an eyebrow when we ask them for something silly (but fun) like wearing a costume for 2 minutes so we can make cute Halloween cards.

It's all connected to sharing time together and paying attention to the subtle mood changes we all experience, human & animal. As we share our lives the bond continues to strengthen and it becomes easier to read and identify their expressions. This is a photo I took in 2007 of Jarvis smiling :)

I photographed this lovely hummingbird at our feeder today. They have always appeared magical to me, like they somehow crossed over from the faerie realms. After our son Juneau passed into the light in August of 2013, seeing these birds took on extra special meaning for me. Juneau used to love drinking water, and he always drank deeply for long periods of time. As I was missing him, I saw a hummingbird drinking deeply from the feeder and knew it was a sign from Juneau and Jarvis. It brings lightness to my heart and I smile every time I see one.

If you also enjoy seeing hummingbirds, it is easy to make homemade nectar for them. Simply bring 1 part sugar & 4 parts water to a boil, stir for 1 minute, then allow to cool completely before putting it in the feeder. It needs to be replaced every 3-4 days, sometimes even more frequently if it is very hot out. They can become very ill and even die from spoiled nectar, so if you decide to provide it, please make sure it is always fresh. You can make a double portion & store the rest in the fridge, just allow it to reach room temperature before putting it outside for them. They also love native flowers and planting those (and refraining from spraying them with pesticides) is a great addition or low maintenance alternative to sugar water.

Below is a photo of Juneau from December 2012.

Something that has been on my mind lately is the idea that when we make the decision to share our home with animals, it is important to fully consider it as their home also. This means thinking about their needs and comfort, even when it may be a bit inconvenient.

For example if your dog is laying on your "spot" on the couch perhaps sit next to him instead of expecting him to move so you can sit there. It is unlikely we would ask a person to vacate a chair in our home so that we could have it when there are other seating options.

If you know the blender scares your cat, maybe refrain from turning it on until you've moved kitty to a different room. If they feel safe, eventually normal household noises will blend into the background and not be so scary. No one likes to be startled by an unexpected loud sound.

If my cat daughter is lounging on a pillow watching the birds through the screen door, I may go outside via a different door rather than expecting her to move because I am "coming through." It is about considering them as "full" family members in every way. Of course there are places that are not safe in the home for animals, such as near/on stove tops, and it is reasonable to ask your fur kids to avoid those. I'm simply thinking about small gestures that let your animal companions know their needs & comfort matter too.